Our Room

It's been difficult to get my words out right to even begin to blog here. But I guess Mama got impatient and decided to give me a reason to try...

I feel that I'm as close to our dearest Mama as anyone can ever be by being in her old room. At first, I wanted to make drastic changes like pulling out the dark burgundy carpet and painting the walls a different shade other than eggwhite. I wanted to take down the Pepto-Bismol colored curtains and white doiley-like shawl that hangs overhead just because these things were never mine to begin with...

But it's been over a year now and still, it all remains the same.

My bed is alongside the window she used to sit next to when she sewed. She always thought the sunlight gave her better lighting for her needle and thread. My desk, books, TV, and storage space replaced her wooden dresser drawers stuffed with plastic bags, labeled with her infamous black, sharpie pen. Pictures of her 7 children leaned against the mirror where now you'll find pictures of "my" children (Stone, Vaughn, Jaelyn, Colin, and more). My coconut/mango candles and oil burner scents permeate through the air that used to smell of her Bengay and Victoria's Secret red apple lotion. My Betty Boop ornaments can be found where her decorative, mini-perfume bottles used to be. My DVD collection hugs the corner where her cabinets (filled with religious figurines) once stood. My movie posters and ceramic pieces hang against the wall where most of her religious artifacts were displayed. A new AC unit has been put in and more framed images went up over time.

And yet even though family and friends comment how different the room looks especially without her in it, in a way even though I've made that space mine, I know I'll always be sharing it with her.

Your "roommate" always, Myrnelle

Flowers In The House

It was the 29th of May at 11pm when I felt Mama was in the house.

I went out from my room to go to the bathroom when I smelled a strong scent of flowers coming from the kitchen. I said to myself, "Mama is beside me because I feel her presence." Then I started to get goosebumps.

I didn't know what to do. I called Froilan, with my towel covering my mouth, pretending not to be scared...but I was, even though I knew I shouldn't be. I never had this experience before even when my own dear mother passed away, but I told Froilan as soon as I entered our room, "Mama is here".

He said, "You didn't say your prayers that's why she came to visit you."

So...I laid down on my bed and said my prayers and will continue to do so until her 40th day.

Now, whenever I come home from work I say, "Hello, I love you."

And before I go to bed I say, "Goodnight, I love you...Mama."

-Maria Carina